"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways higher than your ways and MY thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
I have come to the conclusion that the "peace that passes all understanding" is in actuality a "numbness." I think that it is God's way of just protecting us from our own human emotion. A time to just catch our breath and rest in the fact that HE is in control.
We got news a few weeks ago that my daddy has cancer. We got news this week that it is cancer that cannot be cured. The first part was hard enough. The second part was devastating. Even as I type this, I am still in disbelief. Something inside me keeps thinking that this is all a nightmare and I will wake up any moment or that some doctor will come rushing in and say "I'm so sorry! I was wrong! You are going to be just fine!"
I've been through every human emotion. And now...I'm just numb. I honestly feel like time has slowed down. Like I'm walking around with that lead apron on that they put on you at the dentist office when you get an x-ray. At times, life seems normal again. I get busy with work or life and for a little while I forget...but inevidently something is said or something happens that brings reality crashing back down. And just when I think I've taken two steps forward....I'm back to a sobbing mess. I imagine it will be this way from now on...the next "cry-fest" lurking in the shadows just waiting to hit me when I least expect it.
How thankful I am for my God and my salvation! It is the HOPE that I cling to and trust in. God is Sovereign. HE knows. His ways are most definitely not my ways...but His ways are good and perfect. I don't understand. And it still hurts so bad. And though my heart and flesh may fail me...I can say "it is well."
And with all my heart I pray for a miracle. 'Cause Parker hasn't been fishing yet...and he needs to learn from the best.
2 comments:
Oh, Kameren, I'm so so sorry. I'll be praying for your family and that Parker has many, many fishing days with your Dad.
I have put off reading your blog because after seeing the latest video I just didn't think I could handle it. And I was right. Your family has become so special to us in the few short years that we have had a chance to grow closer. Yes, we are praying for a miracle. In the meantime, know that we are uplifting all of you in thoughts and prayers every single day. We love you. Mrs. Barbara and Mr. George
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